Dear Diary,

It's me again, Julia Ivory

 

I've decided after countless attempts at writing the perfect description of myself to just tell you what the last 19 years of life has brought me.

 

My love for singing and writing started at a young age but began to slip away after graduating high school. I was battling with my identity as an artist but also with my own sense of self. Everyone's pressure and opinions got to me...so I stopped.

 

Time away from what I loved revealed so much more than wasted potential, I had to deal with the damaging effects of constantly feeling I was just not good enough. My dreams were hijacked by none other than myself. Why did I do that? I kept filling my dreams with nightmares of perfection. It was so damaging. This dark path I was now walking along started in early 2020 with my diagnosis of Anorexia Nervosa.

 

Now, in recovery, I reconnected to music as a form of therapy to rebuild the relationship with myself. I used it as a safe place in the darkest of hours and a home to feel welcomed in. The trauma of my time spent fighting the inner demons has been erased by my own mind...a form of self defense I guess? Or fear? Who knows? But every now and then they come back to haunt me.

 

I wrote "To The Bone" sitting at my piano late at night, in the thick of my eating disorder. It was the first piece of music I truly connected with, I poured everything out, without judgement, without pressure...I finally spoke.

Now I am on a journey of self discovery, using music as a way to tell my story.

 

I'm content with how 19 years has directed me so far, though I credit it all to my sheer determination to survive. Though I am alone I am not afraid, I believe in myself now more than ever.

 

I'm going to keep trying.

 

Talk soon,

Julia Ivory xxx

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